The first thing that anyone needs to understand about the gift of purity (which God gave to each of us when we were born), is that we do not belong to ourselves. Our bodies, and everything about them, belong to God. He is the God over them. And He declared in His Word (the Bible) that we are to avoid all forms of intimacy before we are married.
So, why would God say that? Is He against having fun and feeling good? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Remember, God designed our bodies – and ALL of their functions. He actually created them to behave the way they do!
But… He also gave us special instructions to protect us, so that we wouldn’t be hurt by misusing what He gave. A hot stove can be a good thing. But when we are careless with it, it can leave scars that will last a lifetime. So it is, with intimacy, before being married. God wants to spare you from the pain of those scars.
But why does it produce so much guilt and shame? What’s the difference if we have a marriage license or not – especially if we’re in love? Well, to answer that, we need to look at how God made mankind…
We are actually 3 beings in one! We are body, soul (mind, will, & emotions), and spirit. When you join yourself with somebody, it may seem like it is just something that happens in the physical body. But in reality, you are joining with them emotionally and spiritually, at the same time.
This is a triple blessing when it occurs under God’s plan of marriage, because your union is actually blessed of God! The ones who decide to wait, and share themselves ONLY with their spouse, will ALSO get to keep their innocence!!!! That’s right. You can give yourself away under marriage, and STILL retain all those innocent childlike feelings. Zero guilt, when done according to God’s plan.
But it is triple devastation when it happens outside of marriage. Why?
Well, do you remember those 3 parts of what makes up a human being? When we come apart from that other person, there is a ripping that occurs on ALL 3 LEVELS of how God made us – which is why a physical union still affects us in our thoughts & emotions, as well as spiritually. We are wounded on 3 levels when we join and then come apart from someone to whom we are not married.
This is why people who engage in these behaviors before marriage also have higher rates of depression, drug abuse, and suicide. NO ONE who has ever waited, and is now enjoying the blessing of having given themselves to only one person whom they love with all their heart, under God’s plan of marriage, regrets it.
But across the world, there are pillows soaked in the tears of those who cry themselves to sleep over the foolish choices they have made. Satan stands in the shadows and in essence says “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll trade you one moment of brief pleasure for a lifetime of regret. How about it?” And unfortunately, many will bargain with him.
Do you know that when we even kiss someone whom we are dating, we are cheating on our future husband/wife… robbing THEM of the privilege of being our first? We’ll never be able to give that to anyone ever again. And each time we do it, it becomes even less special than the time before.
Even if this person is the one we end up marrying, we have mutually robbed each other of experiencing that, under the blessing of God. Because we instinctually know we’ve done the wrong thing, distrust creeps in. Then anger. Then blame. Then bitterness. And soon, what God meant for beauty is reduced to ashes. That’s why even if you are engaged, and all things are going very well for you, you must still wait. Or you may find you’ve even been robbed by your future spouse.
Before marriage – we are God’s AND our future spouse’s. Don’t give yourself away and cheat on either one of them.
After marriage, you are STILL God’s. But now you are also your spouse’s! And because it is God who blesses your coming together, and the timing is within God’s plan for marriage, you are still innocent in His sight!
Right now would be the perfect time to pray, and ask Him to forgive any past sins you may have committed. Ask Him to make you holy – which doesn’t means ‘sinless’ but rather ‘set apart for His purposes.’ Because of God’s only son, Jesus, our penalty for sin has been paid – we need only accept it, and then commit to becoming what the Bible calls His ‘disciple,’ which is a fancy word for ‘follower’ or ‘student of God.’ Like marriage, being God’s disciple is a commitment with a blessing beyond measure – to know that the life you’ve been given is not just to live, and then the death. Your life now carries a purpose! And it is eternal. Your forgiveness also means restoration and being with Him in heaven forever!